WrestleMania XXV Preview

Good gracious, it's WrestleMania Day!

As much as people carp that the WrestleMania build sucks every year, it REALLY sucked this year; to fully appreciate the inane storylines, head on over to www.f4wonline.com and check out some of the free episodes of the Bryan & Vinny show. Truly funny stuff, and they make it sound even worse than it is.

Now, they may have screwed some things up (a love triangle storyline for the WCW title match, odd choices for MITB and then giving the match away on free tv a bunch of times, a main event where we're supposed to be pulling for the McMahons), but there are still quite a few reasons why I'm looking forward to the event tonight:

- While a lot of the matches are predictable, I really don't know who's winning either of the title matches, even with the alleged match order having already leaked online (my predictions are in that order below, replacing my usual guess at the match order, which was 100% wrong at No Way Out). The Draft is in about two weeks I think, so you don't even have to factor in long-term continuity in terms of which brands have belts - they can book themselves out of that very quickly. On the other hand, I don't care as much about who wins, since the belts (after a 2004-2006 resurgence in long title reigns) have largely become Russonian props again.

-Also, no idea who's winning MITB, and this year that's not a good thing. None of these guys seem like they'd have a shot at a non-joke title reign. On the other hand, that could mean a surprise entrant, or some wacky shenanigans like someone winning & then cashing it in tonight. If not, at least the element comes back to the live product where we really believe that it could be cashed in at any time.

- Stadium Wrestlemanias are the best kind, and last year's decked-out Citrus Bowl was possibly the best-looking set I've ever seen for a wrestling event. This year it's in Houston, of course, and while it would've been neat to see them return to the abandoned Astrodome (site of potentially the greatest PPV of all time, WrestleMania X7), they prudently realized that there's no real way to top that show, and went instead with the state-of-the-art facility across the street. Ladies and gentlemen, Reliant Stadium!
This is going to be sweet. It'll probably look more along the lines of Ford Field two years ago than the Citrus Bowl, but we'll see it in HD, and who knows, they might even keep the roof open for some extra awesomeness. If nothing else, Wrestlemania 25 (NOT the 25th Anniversary) will be very pretty.

Now, onto the matches!

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Rey Mysterio vs. JBL
Hey, it's the IC Title! Being defended at Mania! Sweet!

Tazz mysteriously "quit" earlier this week and the open Smackdown announce chair coincides with JBL promising to make history tonight; count me among those who believe that he beats Rey and then retires with the belt here.

Winner: JBL
My Pick: Eh, what the hell, JBL if it gets him out of competition and back in that announce chair, where he might just be the best of all time.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match
CM Punk vs. Mark Henry vs. Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian vs. Kofi Kingston vs. MVP vs. Finlay
Eight guys that we've seen every combination of in the past few weeks on Raw and Smackdown, and too many guys in general. I'm guessing this will be among the lesser of the MITB matches, but my favorite one ever (WM22) also had a lot of guys who didn't seem like natural fits for it, so who knows. Shelton probably steals the show here, but as for the winner, I don't have a clue. Before he was added to the WCW title match, Big Show was apparently booked to win this, so I wouldn't be shocked if they gave it to someone like Kane.

Winner: MVP, who certainly deserves it after that losing streak gimmick
My Pick: Christian, he of the Worst Headshot Vince McMahon Has Ever Seen

Legends Challenge Gauntlet Match
Chris Jericho vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper, Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, & Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat (w/ Ric Flair & Mickey Rourke)
You know, this might not be awful. If nothing else, it provides another WM payday to four old-timers who really deserve one, and the crowd will probably like it when Mickey Rourke clocks Jericho. Don't rule out seeing Austin here, either.

Winner: The Legends, after Jericho eliminates two of them.
My Pick: I was born in the 80s, I can't root against Rowdy Roddy Piper and friends.

WWF Tag Team Championship Unification Lumberjack Match
Carlito & Primo Colon vs. John Morrison & The Miz
Ok, so not only are the tag titles being defended, they're being UNIFIED??? This is already my favorite match of the nightI don't know what they plan to use for the Unified belts, but I hope it's not the bland Raw belts; either stick with the Smackdown ones, or go with a modernized version of the old "World" logo ones, ok?
Top, not bottom. See? See how nice they look?

Winner: John Morrison & The Miz get their Wrestlemania moment
My Pick: Really, anything but some kind of double-DQ that robs us of a unification. I WAS PROMISED A UNIFICATION!

Extreme Rules Match
Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy
CW here is that Matt wins ala Owen over Bret at WMX. I'm not so sure; That feud went until Summerslam, and I think they may have an eye to ending this feud sooner than later, especially with the introduction of a gimmick match here. I know this is a throwaway match for some, but I have a feeling that kids watching may consider this the big match of the night.

Winner: Jeff Hardy
My Pick: Jeff, so that he can start facing opponents with world titles again.

Kid Rock Performs Live!
Winner: Jesus fucking christ, no one

Miss WrestleMania 25
25-Diva Battle Royal
If Mae is in this, Mae is winning, since she can't take an over-the-top-rope bump. If not, though, I think our favorite Italian has it.

Winner: Santino Marella
My Pick: Trish if she's there, or Gail Kim....or Santino, why the hell not

WCW Championship
Edge vs. John Cena vs. The Big Show
I was expecting this to go on last, given what I thought the results might be. Now? I have no idea.

Winner: John Cena, probably, since he got pinned clean on Raw.
My Pick: Edge, or Show, or Cena if I'm drunk enough. I like all three to a certain extent.

Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker
Your probable Match of the Night, one that we haven't seen since 1998 (both guys are notably better since, even a more-hobbled HBK). No Streaks are ending tonight, but I wouldn't be shocked were this to main-event the show. If you're torn over who to root for here, read the Montreal portion of Bret Hart's book, where Undertaker is standing by Hart ready to fight and Shawn is cowering in tears, disavowing all knowledge of it. Times change, but still, that should tell you all you need to know.

Winner: Undertaker
My Pick: Undertaker

WWF Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton
And here's the headscratcher. This is apparently on last, and logic would dictate that the face wins; however, Orton really needs a win here, and Triple H doesn't, not so much at least. It's also not as simple as "HHH wants to book himself to win" - he's put people over at 4 out of the last 5 Wrestlemanias (Orton included, in a triple threat last year) and didn't participate in the 5th one due to injury. If he wins here, blame the McMahons for wanting to close out the 25th "anniversary" with a family celebration. Triple H himself has shown that he'll do whatever it takes to make Orton.

If Orton were to win, you'd think that either a Cena title win or the Shawn-Taker match would go on last, so the fans go home happy, right? Well, here's where they could really surprise and impress me.

They've already had heel Orton win the Rumble - Yoko was the only other heel to make that happen besides Vince himself - and if they put him over in the last match of the night and sent the fans home pissed off, well, that could send him to the stratosphere. I don't know that he could hold his own after that, but the WWF could never again be accused of not pushing him to the moon and giving him every chance. This could absolutely take him to the next level; I don't know what it would do for HHH besides providing the visual of all of the McMahons celebrating in the ring. Don't rule out one of the McMahons joining Legacy in this, either.

I hated it when heel HHH won in 2000, and when heel Austin won the year after - WrestleMania is the one show every year where the main heels are always supposed to get their comeuppance. However, it's gone the other way before, and if it does again tonight, I'm all for it.

Winner: Triple H
My Pick: Randy Orton

Recommendation: ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

Wrestlemania in a down year is still Wrestlemania. WATCH THIS TONIGHT before it's spoiled for you tomorrow. This is the must-buy every year, so shell out the dollars and enjoy the spectacle.

I'll be back later this week with a recap; until then, Happy WrestleMania Day, one and all.