No Way Out of Las Vegas

Whoops, wrong poster.....




Ah, that's better.

Only three weeks after the Rumble, the WWF is live at 8 tonight with No Way Out, the last PPV before the big one. I'm not sure they'll be able to deliver a moment on the level of "HOLY SHIT JOHN CENA'S IN THE RUMBLE!!!!!", but I'll be tuning in through illicit means anyways. Here's how it might go down, in projected match order:

SmackDown/ECW Elimination Chamber
Winner Gets Forgettable Midcard Wrestlemania Match

By "ECW", they mean "King Mabel's in this match". He's not winning it. Rumor has the RAW guys going on last, and there's no way they do two in a row, so I'm guessing this kicks off the show.

Winner: The Undertaker
My pick: Finlay. Nothing would please me more than Finlay vs. Edge for the title at WM. Of course, nothing would turn 90% of the audience off from buying the show like Finlay vs. Edge, so Taker gets it here. I just hope they don't hype Edge's "undefeated" WM record in the buildup to their match. "Undefeated, except for that one time" would be the proper term.

ECW Championship
Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk


Hey, they're making Chavo t-shirts now! (Nowhere near as brilliant as the new John Cena shirt, but hey, it's something).

This could be a good one, but I'm guessing it gets clipped in the knees and given a good 8 minutes or so. Sorry, guys, they have title matches to fit in.

What's that?

This is for a title?

10 minutes, then.

Winner: Chavito, with a rematch next month. I enjoy the work of both guys, I really should watch ECW sometime.
My pick: Chavo's fine, no quibbles here.

World Heavyweight Championship
Rey Mysterio vs. Edge


Word on the street is that Rey Rey's hurt bad. At the very least, the crowd probably won't be as pro-Edge as MSG was. This is the way I enjoy watching Smackdown - on a "2 minute video package before every PPV title match" basis. It's refreshing. Soon, you'll all be watching it this way.

Winner: Edge
My Pick: My fifteenth-favorite Canadian, Edge

"Career Threatening Match"
Ric Flair vs. Mr. Kennedy


Man, what a disappointment this whole retirement angle thing has been, huh? Steve Austin said as much this week; they're really treating it as secondary and botched most of it from the start. At this point I would just have him win here and at Mania, take some time off, and then try to do it right for next year. Then again, he is 87.

Winner: Ric Flair
My Pick: Ric Flair, as the backstage race to be the Guy Who Retires Flair continues in earnest. Let's hope it's someone young, or maybe Orton if he gets pushed out of the title picture.

Speaking of which:

WWF Championship
Randy Orton vs. John Cena


I bet all of Stamford is quite thrilled that they don't have to bank on Orton-HHH at Mania. Cena can't take the strap tonight, as you can't completely cut the legs off of young Randall, and besides, the money's in the chase.

Of course, if Mania's not a three-way, it's Cena vs. HHH, and he would win it here. I'm really not sure who gets this.

Winner: Randy Orton, by nefarious shenanigans. Orton loves him those shenanigans, doesn't he?
My pick: Randy Orton

Raw Elimination Chamber
Winner Gets Actual Main Event Match at WrestleMania

I like everybody in this match. I'd be pretty surprised if its not HHH winning to set up the rumoured WrestleMania three-way, although they could always pull the swervearoo and put Hardy or Michaels into the mix as well. Let's hope they don't, four-way matches for the title usually suck.

Regardless, this should get some serious time, and I'm expecting brutality.

Winner: HHH
My Pick: They've already blown it with Hardy, but I'll still probably turn mark and root for the guy.

I've got a lot of liquor and a lot of nothing else to do tonight, so I'm counting down the minutes right now. My recommendation is to watch this one, but not to pay for it. WrestleManias is expensive, yo.