One Night Stand Preview

Are these awful stipulations or what?

Not to toot my own horn here, but I was pretty much on the money two weeks ago when I predicted a One Night Stand card full of the same matches we've seen over the past few months. Tonight, we have seven matches, and of those seven, three (the two title matches and the Cena-JBL tilt) are Judgment Day rematches, with a fourth being a rematch from Backlash.

What's worse than that is that One Night Stand used to be a special event. The 2005 edition was one of a kind, sure, but by keeping it with an ECW home crowd in 2006, the WWF delivered an UNFORGETTABLE main event with Cena dropping his belt to Rob Van Dam at the Hammerstein Ballroom.

This year? We've got seven stipulation matches, all of which seem to be somewhat bogus stipulations. Last Man Standing? First Blood? A Stretcher Match? I'd expect a few of these, but geez, you need to throw us a bone with a cage match or something - TLC just isn't enough. For anyone who didn't realize it two years ago, ECW is dead and buried. It's gone, it's never coming back, and tonight is a great microcosm of "what the WWF thinks that ECW fans want to see". I'm not quite sure it's what anyone wants to see. Then again, don't listen to me, since I will actually be watching.

Live tonight (on a slight tape delay for me) from the ECW Arena in South Phil....errrr, the San Diego Sports Arena in San Diego, CA:

Falls Count Anywhere
Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
Methinks Umaga might be moving to Smackdown, which will make for some fantastic promo wars with the Undertaker

Undertaker: "Rest in Peace!"
Umaga: "BUELAOLDUAGGAGAGAGGAAKOGKOEAA!!!!"
(repeat thirty times)

Winner: Umaga
My Pick: Jeff Hardy

First Blood Match
John Cena vs. JBL
Hope that this comes closer to their Judgment Day 2005 match than their awful outing last month.

Winner: John Cena
My Pick: JBL, since I'm sober tonight. It had better be bloody though.

Singapore Cane Match
Big Show vs. CM Punk vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. John Morrison
Ick. This could be the worst of the evening, women's match excluded. How great would it be if CM Punk cashed in MITB for one of the major titles tonight, though?

Winner: Tommy Dreamer
My Pick: I loves me some Big Show

Stretcher Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista
I really, really liked their match at Backlash, and I totally bought the knee injury as legit when it happens. Behold the power of Michaels, I bet this hits ****.

MAYBE POSSIBLY ACCURATE SPOILER ALERT!!!!

The interwebs are buzzing with rumors of Batista and the Undertaker taking long vacations after tonight. I believe it for the former, not for the latter. Could easily be wrong on this one.

END OF MAYBE POSSIBLY ACCURATE SPOILER ALERT!!!!

Winner: Shawn Michaels
My Pick: I love Michaels. However, I also love Bret Hart, so I can't actually ever mark out for Michaels. I'm just not capable. Sorry. Batista's the pick here.

I Quit Match
Melina vs. Beth Phoenix
An "I Quit" match? Really? They couldn't have just done an "Extreme Lingerie" battle or something? They had to waste one of the cooler stipulations on a time-killing crowd cooler?

Winner: Beth Phoenix
My Pick: One and the same, in under 3 minutes please

Last Man Standing Match
WWF Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton
Okay, Trips, now I'm getting peeved. The terms of our deal were very clear - you get the belt in return for a redesign away from the shit Cena Hip Hop thing. You've done nothing to further this - meanwhile, young Randall has new theme music that's quite awesome, and he's apparently real-life pals with the legendary Santino Marella. I'm not turning on you yet, because I think there's still some hope here. However, you best fix this by Vengeance and enter the Night of Champions with a belt that's actually worthy of one.

Rant over.

Winner: Triple H
My Pick: Triple H, begrudgingly

TLC Match
WCW Championship
Edge vs. The Undertaker
This is the one that I'm watching the show for, and I assume the one that others are buying the show for. The title's vacant and must change hands, and I can see this one going either way, especially with the aforementioned rumor about the Taker. Expect heavy Guerrero involvement in an excellent blowoff to an excellent feud.

Winner: The Undertaker
My Pick: Edge


Recommendation: Watch this via illicit means if possible. A lot of blowoffs, a lot of stipulations, and yet puzzlingly, not a whole lot of excitement going into it.

Oh, I can't wait to see what the draft will bring.