No Way Out of Seattle

The Road to WrestleMania continues with my favorite secondary show of the year....

I admit, the Rumble was a bit of a disappointment this year (full review on the way, promise!) but it was probably a huge boon to Orton to get the win as a heel. I have less of an idea where they're going with WrestleMania than I did at this point last year, so I'd say the chances of a surprise or two tonight would be fairly high. And really, although they've yet to have the genre-defining match, are you actually going to pass up a pay per view with TWO Chamber matches?

Onto the picks....

WCW Championship Elimination Chamber Match
KOFI KINGSTON! MIKE KNOX! FOREGONE CONCLUSIONS! FEEL THE EXCITEMENT!

Hey, we know the winner, but the chamber matches are reliably decent, and maybe these guys will be a good mix for it.

Winner: John Cena
My Pick: John Cena

ECW Championship
Finlay vs. Jack Swagger (c)
Speaking of things that are underwhelming, hows about Christian's big return this week, on a show that very few people watch, on a network that very few people watch? It's pretty clear that the 'net reports were true - he was Plan A for the Jeff Hardy feud, but they wanted to SwErVE ThE FAnZ! and as a result, we get Christian shoehorned into a "#1 ECW babyface" spot that doesn't entirely suit him. I expect him to be involved somehow in this one, but I doubt our beloved Belfast Bruiser gets the strap.

Winner: Jack Swagger
My Pick: Finlay, of course

Final All Or Nothing Showdown Match (aka Plan B After Cena Retained At The Rumble)
Shawn Michaels vs. JBL
Here's an idea that I didn't like at first but have been warming to since: JBL in the Money in the Bank match. My favorite edition of that match was the one at WM22 that included Finlay - at first it didn't seem that he would fit the uptempo style, but it ended up contrasting wonderfully with everyone else. Mark him down, as far as I'm concerned.

Winner: Shawn Michaels, moving on to the Taker at Wrestlemania
My Pick: Shawn, and the immediate resumption of JBL's announcing career after Wrestlemania.

No Holds Barred Match
Shane McMahon vs. Randy Orton
Get ready for some stunts so wild, so crazy, and so breathtaking that no regular WWF performer working on a downside guarantee without health insurance would dare attempt them!

Winner: Randy Orton
My Pick: Well, Orton winning is obviously the only correct move here. Regardless, I'm pulling for Shane-O-Mac to at least bust out a few amazing stuntman spots. I'm really not quite sure where they're going with this for Wrestlemania, which is a good thing.

WWF Championship Elimination Chamber Match
Two Chamber matches, both for titles....one of them's probably changing hands, and I can't see anybody walking out of the first match but Cena. Then again, would they really go INTO 'Mania with two babyface champs?

Winner: Triple H, probably moving onto a match with Orton at Wrestlemania or something
My Pick: Vladimir Kozlov

Ha! Just kidding. I'm pulling for Edge to retain, or for the very fat chance of a very fat Big Show winning the belt. I'll also be fine, if slightly perplexed, with Hardy getting it back. Not sure how they build to Matt vs. Jeff when Matt is barred from entering the match my a few tons of steel. Maybe a backstage attack?

Recommendation: Come on now.

I don't recommend B-show PPVs lightly, but this one is essential almost every year. You get an ECW title match, a Shane-O Spotfest Spectacle, the HBK-JBL blowoff (fingers crossed), and TWO ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCHES FOR THE TWO WORLD TITLES, as well as a likely surprise on the level of Mayweather's showdown with the Big Show last year.

My bet? Stone Cold challenging Jericho for a match at Mania. At the end of the night, we should have a much better idea of the card for the Granddaddy Of 'Em All. Buy it, stream it, beg, borrow, steal, I don't care, just make sure you're watching tonight.
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Royal Rumble Preview

What a long, strange 6 PPV-less weeks it's been.

Sorry for the quickie preview this week, I PROMISE an actual recap in the week to come. What's important for tonight, however, is that my favorite annual PPV, the Royal Rumble, is about 15 minutes away from starting. Here are some quick picks.

ECW Championship
Matt Hardy vs. Jack Swagger (c)
And we have a PPV debut! If this doesn't open (among the matches listed, at least), I'll eat my shorts.

Winner: Jack Swagger
My Pick: Swagger

WWF Women's Championship
Melina va. Beth Phoenix (c)
Why is Melina getting a PPV spot?

Winner: Beth Phoenix
My Pick: Glamarella, baby

WCW Championship
John Cena (c) vs. JBL (w/ Shawn Michaels)
I've got a bad, bad feeling about this. "The Wrestler" angle aside, I have no desire whatsoever to see JBL with a title. Barring a dream WrestleMania main event like Cena-Austin (or please, pretty please, Cena-Rock), it looks like a three-way match with these guys is very likely.

Winner: JBL
My Pick: John Cena, sober or drunk

WWF Championship
Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Edge
Could this be Christian's debut? I'd love to see it, but I'm not so sure that the attacker is Christian and not Matt. I also don't think we get two world title changes, but we'll definitely get one.

Winner: Jeff Hardy
My Pick: Hardy, only because Edge winning here probably means Edge-HHH at WrestleMania, and we don't really want that, now do we?

The Royal Rumble Match
I look forward to this match more than any other, every year. This year's edition features 7 unannounced participants, and those are always the best kind - last year, one of them won the whole thing. I see this year's coming down to either Orton or Michaels; I guess a Stone Cold surprise is possible, but I wouldn't bank on it. Regardless, they'd better put this on last.

Winner: Shawn Michaels
My Pick: Randy Orton

Recommendation: I've been telling you to save your pennies for months now. Recession or no recession, it's WrestleMania season, baby! Pay per view budgets are meant to be blown in the first three months of the year. Besides, you can always bootleg Backlash the next day.

BUY THIS ONE and have a happy Rumble evening!
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Armageddon Preview!

Six Whole Matches!


That's right, six - all of them singles matches, none of them stip matches (okay, one, sort of), and at least three that would be more likely to be on free weekly tv than somewhere like this. (Four if you count the Divas match, but then the match total is technically seven. I say it doesn't count, since Mae Young is apparently going to be involved). Not a lot of these should eat up a great deal of time.

Belfast Brawl
Finlay (w/Hornswoggle) vs. Mark Henry (w/Tony Atlas)
Not entirely sure what a "Belfast Brawl" is - is that the same match Finlay and JBL had at Wrestlemania? - but this is a match I didn't exactly expect to see on pay per view.

Winner: Finlay
My Pick: Finlay

IC Tournament Finals (Winner gets a shot at Regal)
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
You know, if they really wanted to reestablish the IC belt as a credible title, they'd put this on after Batista-Orton. My gut tells me they're not that serious about doing so, though, and that the whole Intercontinental elevation will be forgotten as soon as they move onto the next DVD release. Face it - as long as they have two world titles, the Intercontinental Championship will never mean what it used to.

Whatever, at least they'll likely give it to someone better than Regal.

Winner: CM Punk, since he and Kofi dropped the tag belts last night (and to a much better team, I might add).
My Pick: Rey Mysterio - an IC run could hurt Punk, but this would be the perfect title for Mysterio to defend. It wouldn't seem as implausible as his world title run, kids would totally buy it, and he has a high-enough profile to actually do something for the belt. Then again, I also thought Santino was the ideal IC champ.

Matt Hardy vs, Vladimir Kozlov
This is non-title. I smells a Virgil-meets-Yokozuna level squasharoo

Winner: Drago
My Pick: Mattitude, I'm sick of the Russian and his stunning inability to wrestle. This is two months after I endorsed him for WWF champ due to Triple H Sickness, but I was probably under the influence at the time.

Batista vs. Randy Orton
Well, Batista laid down clean for Orton on Monday, so we probably know the winner here. We can still hold out hope for the official formation of The Legacy, though. Speaking of which, wouldn't the ultimate payoff to the Legacy angle be Orton getting tossed as the faction leader for a returning Rock? Just sayin', it would be quite a moment.

Winner: Batista
My Pick: Mr. Orton, who's been getting bigger crowd reactions lately than any active wrestler aside from Cena

Santa's Little Helper Match
MIchelle McCool, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly & Maria vs. Maryse, Victoria, Natalya, and Jillian

Winner: I have no idea at all, since there was no build to this match whatsoever
My Pick: Team Neidhart

WWF Championship
Edge vs. Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy
I must admit, the swerve in the Survivor Series match was beautiful, no matter how classless and poorly-handled the Jeff Hardy component of the angle was. I love Edge as champ. May his reign last a calendar year or more, eh?

Now get a new fucking belt, and not the Rated R Spinner. Thanks, buddy.

Winner: Edge
My Pick: Edge

WCW Championship
John Cena vs. Chris Jericho
Although his actual character hasn't really evolved at all, the returning Cena seems to have regained the mojo that seemed to go missing during the summer, and his popularity has firmly surpassed the Bret Hart/Undertaker/Shawn Michaels level to settle below (far below, says I) only Hogan, Austin, and The Rock. I'd still love to see him take it to the next level, as much as I doubt that he ever will. He'd be absolute money as a heel, and they've kept him face for so long that if they wait a few more years, his turn could be Bash at the Beach '96-lite for a whole new generation of fans.

In other words, call me newly bullish on this guy. I'm not even drunk right now, I swear.

Winner: John Cena
My Pick: John Cena

Recommendation: A bit of a scattershot card for one of the quickie three-week-buildup shows, and it's nothing I can recommend that you buy, especially with the Royal Rumble-No Way Out-WM25 trifecta on the horizon. This is certainly worth watching if you have a way to do so that doesn't involve paying for it; otherwise, save your pennies, it's a recession and the next three are gonna be costly.
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Survivor Series Preview

Very quick this week since I waited until 5 mins before the PPV to get started, just picks but I promise I'll do a recap for it.

The Christian Soldiers vs. The Million Dollar Pricks
Winner: Team Michaels
My Pick: Don't care really, lets get Khali out early though, eh? Also, the more Miz & Morrison the better

Casket Match
The Undertaker vs. The Big Show
Winner: Undertaker, unless they really, really want to drag this out
My Pick: Don't care, the whole Vickie-in-the-casket thing has soured me on this.

Evolution Explodes!
The Filthy Animals vs. The Randy Orton Rogues Gallery
Winner: Batista as sole survivor
My Pick: Orton & Rhodes, finally forming the WWF's only real faction.

WWF Championship
Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Vladimir Kozlov
Apparently there was a goofy injury angle last night that might keep Jeff out of this, I doubt it though.

Winner: Triple H via Edgeterference
My Pick: new-look Jeff Hardy taking the title

Divas Elimination Match
Winner: Don't know, don't really care
My Pick: Anything that spotlights Santino and Nattie, in that order. Hey, Nattie's on PPV again!

WCW Championship
Chris Jericho vs. John Cena
It'll be interesting to see how the hometown crowd reacts to Cena here, I'm guessing it'll be with boos. Doubtful that they do the title switch here, but you never know.

Winner: Chris Jericho
My Pick: Chris Jericho

Recommendation: "Order" the "replay"; I wouldn't be chomping at the bit to buy this at all, Big Four ppv or not.

Review to come shortly, I swear....
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Cyber Sunday Preview

Getting you ready for the show, even though it happened yesterday.

Let's get cracking, eh?

WCW US Championship
Shelton Benjamin vs, Fans' Choice (R-Truth, MVP, Festus)
This was on the preshow, and may not be on my copy - I would think the best match would be MVP, but I doubt the fans like him enough to spend money on costly MVP-boosting text messages.

Winner: Shelton over Festus, choice of children from coast to coast
My Pick: Shelton over R-Truth, since I've yet to see R-Truth.

Rey Mysterio vs. Kane
Fans' Choice Match (Falls Count Anywhere, No Holds Barred, 2 out of 3 Falls)
I'd prefer 2 of 3 falls, I guess, since these guys generally seem better if they stay in the ring. These are all essentially the same match, but these two have chemistry together.

Winner: Kane
My Pick: Rey, who looked quite rejuvenated in his last PPV match.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Santino Marella vs. Fans' Choice (Roddy Piper, Goldust, Honky Tonk-y Man)Obviously not the workrate classic of the evening, but I'm looking forward to it as much as anything. You, I, and everyone watching wants the same thing here.

Winner & My Pick: Santino, beating the Honky Tonk Man with a guitar shot and adding another week to the Honk-A-Meter!

Tag Team Match
Fans' Choice (Noble/Mickie vs. Regal/Layla, Cryme Tyme vs. Morrison & The Miz, CM Punk & Kofi vs. Rhodes/Dibiase)
The stip matches on this show are all of the "three choices that are really all the same thing" variety; on the other hand, this match and the next do a better job of piquing curiosity and presenting interesting alternatives than any other matches on the card. I certainly don't want to see a low-grade mixed-gender tag that belongs on RAW, but both of the other two matchups have been built well and would be a welcome chance to see these guys showcased on pay-per-view. I'm fine with either, although if pressed, I'd opt to see the title defense.

Winner: Rhodes/Dibiase over Punk/Kingston
My Pick: Exactly that

ECW Championship
Matt Hardy vs. Fans' Choice (Mark Henry, Evan Bourne, Finlay) Here's the best use of the Cyber Sunday gimmick that we're likely to see - one opponent who's been a tad overexposed lately, and two who could have dynamic yet dramatically different styles of matches with Mr. Hardy. I'd be happy to see either one, although my vote is for Bourne.

Winner: Matt Hardy over Finlay
My Pick: Evan Bourne over Matt Hardy; give this man the ECW ball and let him run with it, by gawd.

Large Man Showdown
The Undertaker vs. The Big Show
Fans' Choice Match (Knockout Match, I Quit Match, Last Man Standing Match)
Quick: What's the difference between a Knockout Match and a Last Man Standing match? You don't know either?

I was loving the happy-go-lucky stoner Big Show that existed for 3 minutes at Unforgiven before his heel turn, but really, I don't mind either guy winning here, and the match may even be a pleasant surprise like the one last month.

Winner: Undertaker in a Last Man Standing Knockout Match
My Pick: Big Show, by KO

WWF Championship
Triple H vs. Fans' Choice (Jeff Hardy, Vladimir Kozlov, Triple Threat Match)
For months, I've tepidly supported HHH in the hopes that the WWF belt would be restored to its former lustre. I don't mean this in any sort of abstract sense; quite literally, I want the appearance of the thing to change. For my money, nothing looked better than the Attitude-era jewel of a belt, and not much looks worse than the cubic zirconia hubcap that Trips is currently toting. Surely, I thought, the guy with actual clout would want to carry around something that looked respectable.

Well, that switch hasn't happened yet. I also happened to read Bret Hart's book this week (best wrestling book of all time, hands down, nothing can beat it ever) and you know what? Fuck Triple H, that's what. Fuck him and his tired act of toilet humor for 10 year olds. Let's bring back some of that good ol'-fashioned 2003-era hatred and get the belt off of this prick, eh?

Winner: Triple H in a triple threat
My Pick: Kozlov, put him over Hardy if need be, I don't care. Fuck Triple H.

WCW Championship
Batista vs. Chris Jericho
Fans Pick Referee (Stone Cold Steve Austin, Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels)
Seth Mates over at Newsday is saying that Batista gets the win here, and I can see his case - especially with Orton on his way back and in need of a babyface counterpart. I'm officially swayed, and Michaels as a guest ref would give them an easy way to pull it off. The WWF is pushing Stone Cold for this spot, and may well fix the voting (hell, all of these could be fixed for all we know). Really though, the last thing I want to see is a hobbled, tired Austin in this spot. If he does win the vote, let's hope that JR's blog postings about Austin being in great shape haven't just been friendly reassurances.

Winner: Batista
My Pick: Chris Jericho

Recommendation: Um, well, it's Monday night as I'm writing this, so I'd recommend that you, erm, order the replay. You know, the special replay, the one that costs $0.

I'll post opinions on said replay later in the week. Enjoy the show, folks.
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No Mercy Preview

A Ladder Match for the Ages, and six other matches that you'll probably forget by tomorrow....

Let's get right to it...

Rey Mysterio vs. Kane
It's not WWF style to promote a stipulation like Rey losing his mask and not deliver on it. If it must be done, let's just hope they don't have him start rapping like WCW did.

Winner: Kane
My Pick: Rey Rey, and for this to just be a quick opener

#1 Contender's Match
Batista vs. JBL
Let's see - next month's pay per view has a voting gimmick? And there are multiple challengers to both heavyweight belts? Hmmmm.

They usually just go with the vote-for-the-opponent gimmick for one title match, and my money's on that being for Smackdown. Batista goes over here methinks, with the vote being on, I don't know, the stipulation or the guest ref or something. If this is a double DQ or a disputed finish, though, I wouldn't be surprised.

Winner: Batista
My Pick: Batista - I don't want to see JBL in the ring any more than you do.

ECW Championship
Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry
Eh, don't really care. As much as I keep reading about how well-done ECW has been over the past few months, the title itself just doesn't have much meaning.

Winner: Hardy, probably
My Pick: Ehhhh, why not Hardy, I guess

The Undertaker vs. The Big Show
Taker is supposedly hurt, bad, and Triple H probably needs as many heel challengers as possible for the Cyber Sunday voting. Chalk this one up to the Show, and if anyone from the WWF is reading this, please know that we're very, very thankful this spot is going to Show and not Khali.

Winner: The Big Show
My Pick: The Big Show

WWF Women's Championship
Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle
Glamazon on PPV hopefully means Glamarella on PPV, and that's perfectly fine with me, even if we don't get a PPV Honk-A-Meter.

Winner: Beth Phoenix
My Pick: Santino, er, Beth

WWF Championship
Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy
And here's your clusterf*ck ending for the evening. In a lovely bit of WWF subtle foreshadowing, Vladimir Kozlov is actually IN THE VIDEO PACKAGES for this match, as if it were a triple-threat. You think he might be interfering here? Count on a disputed finish to lead to whatever they come up with for Cyber Sunday.

Winner: HHH (get a new belt, you dealbreaking bastard)
My Pick: HHH

WCW Championship
Ladder Match
Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels
Well - if you're buying the show, this is probably why. This is it, apparently - the end, at least for the next few months, of the best feud of the year. Each of these guys has been in their fair share of absolutely astounding ladder matches, and Michaels in particular is associated with the match more than anyone else. Love Jericho as champ, and totally didn't see it coming at all at Unforgiven - I would've bet a fortune that Orton wouldve been the last participant. This will likely hit the four-star barrier at a minimum, and could easily be the match of the year. The more time they can possibly work in for this, the better.

Winner: Chris Jericho
My Pick: Chris Jericho

Recommendation:

Well, it finally happened last month - the WWF shut down most of the live streaming sites, and enterprising folks like myself were forced to wait until the show ended before stealing a copy of it. I don't really understand where they're coming from on this, as it ws always my theory that they tacitly allowed it - moneyless folks like myself aren't going to buy the shows in most cases, but hey, if we're willing to put up with the spotty reception and frequent outages, why not allow interest in your product to burgeon by looking the other way on illicit feeds?

I can't recommend that you buy this show, really - $40 is quite a bit of money to spend on a PPV that's likely to have one memorable match. Normally, I'd tell you to go the cheapskate internet route, but that's likely to prove a challenge if you want to see this live. Personally, I'm going to give it a try, and then probably just download the thing as soon as it's over. If you do buy the thing, though, you're likely to get a good deal of your money's worth on the main event. With most of the other matches, I'm not so sure I'd watch them if they were on free television.

Enjoy the show, folks.
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Unforgiven Preview

Running late on the preview, so sorry. This is gonna be a good one, though.....

Normally, Unforgiven isn't much of anything special. This year, however, not only do we have the Scramble matches - three championship matches GUARANTEED to hit the 20-minute mark - but the culmination of the unquestioned Feud of the Year in Michaels-Jericho. The WWF is really getting this whole episodic monthly booking thing down to a science, and seems to be taking cues from UFC in having different feuds at different points in the card peak at just the right time to main event the show.

Truncated preview below, and then I'm settling in with a bottle of the vino.

ECW Championship
Twenty Minute Scramble Match
Mark Henry vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Matt Hardy vs. Finlay vs. The Miz


Well, I think they'll have to space these things out so as not to ruin the concept, so one of them's probably going to kick off the show. This may be the only one where we end up regretting that it gets the full 20, although hopefully Finlay can control the pace enough to make it watchable.

Winner: Matt Hardy, since they'll want at least one title change
My Pick: Finlay, but I'd be cool with anyone but Chavito going over here

WWF Tag Team Championship
Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Jr. vs. Cryme Time


Hey, a PPV tag title match! Let's hope they keep moving towards Evolution 2.0 with Randy and Rhodes/DiBiase (I refuse to call them Simply Priceless until the WWF does and, in the process, admits that they botched the chance for a better name). I like these guys and Cryme Tyme, but I don't think the belts are going anywhere so soon after they were stupidly hotshotted to Cena and Batista.

Winner: Rhodes & DiBiase
My Pick: Rhodes & DiBiase


WWF Championship
Twenty Minute Scramble Match
Triple H vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Jeff Hardy vs. MVP vs. The Brian Kendrick


They're not giving it to Benjamin, since he has the US belt already, and most people barely know who Kendrick is. That leaves Hardy and MVP - MVP who's allegedly in the doghouse for not being as good as Shelton Benjamin in the ring, and Jeff Hardy, who's one suspension away from an automatic firing. Plus, in two weeks the show moves to MyNetworkTV, which may or may not be an actual television channel. This is where the Hs are valuable - he's a very capable champion if you're looking for stability and a popular act that hasn't changed one iota since 2001.

The match should be good, though.

Winner: Triple H
My Pick: A new fucking belt. Now.

Unsanctioned Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

I cannot wait for this match. This will be the highlight of my evening, surely, and hopefully won't be effected to that great an extent because of Michaels' injury. I'd heard ahead of time that this was set to be the blowoff to the feud, and the main event of the show - with Michaels apparently set to be ont he shelf for a while, I assume those plans are off. Still, I bet they tear the house down. We're six months into this feud and it still feels fresh - and my god, is Michaels making a star out of New Jericho or what?

Still, they haven't yet topped their WMXIX match, and I think they have to do that at some point for this to feel complete.

Winner: Jericho, and anyone who wants to see this go until WM25. It could happen.
My Pick: Jericho, and a MOTC rival for Undertaker-Edge

WWF Divas Championship
Michelle McCool vs. Maryse


Goodness, that Maryse is pretty. Wow.

Winner: McCool, since the Taker carries weight
My Pick: The lovely Maryse, and more pictures like this one


WCW Championship
Twenty Minute Scramble Match
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Batista vs. Kane vs. JBL


I can see anyone in this match winning, and this match will probably make better use of the Scramble gimmick than any other - I expect the last 5 minutes to be utterly fantastic.

Winner: CM Punk, and an Orton appearance in some capacity.
My Pick: Punk, to keep the train rolling until a Survivor Series showdown with Mr. Orton

Recommendation: Buy this if you've got the spare change; three of the primary matches have a set end time, which means that the watching-via-illicit-means crowd may find quite a few crapouts when everyone tries to log in at once. I have no spare change whatsoever, so I'll be riding this out all night. Looking forward to it.
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